Saturday, January 18, 2020

Yule-Darkest Night (Now Passed)

Because my life was in drift, we had to reschedule.
Easy Friday evening, before or after other plans.
Everything was going, seemingly under control. 
Snow covered cold but warm and bight inside.
I remember the fairy lights illuminating the dark.
I remember the darkening blue.
I remember feeling ok.

  Darkest nights, Sun rising in the South.
Now the sun comes up about 15degrees more to the East. 
Spring is coming, slowly and step by step, but there is no stopping these cycles of life.

And then, as cycles go, it all changed.

Had a good call with my mom while the sun set on that Mother's Night.
Five minutes later she fell and broke her hip.
Face-Timing with the aide who has become my sister,
we get mom ambulanced to the hospital.
A few dear friends show up while I am on the phone
and it grows evening.
I am so happy to see them
and also in shock and deeply saddened.
It has been really hard.
And I am so grateful to be here now.

We plan to do our ritual and afterwards I will leave.
Elizabeth had not shown up,
I call her and she thinks ritual is the next day.
We apologized to each other and made it ok.
Though it didn't feel anything other than surreal.
Looking for light in the darkness.

And, as we do, we continued on.

Ritual was beautiful and profoundly moving.
Deep simplicity, it was more than enough just to be.
The light and our gratitude giving comfort.
Hot Fire. Cold Waters.
Bryan's Words.
Our Sacrifice.

I have no notes, just these pictures.
It is enough.





ember on ice


our Omens in the dark in the snow 
from the Ancestors: Elwaz the elk's horns or the elksedge. Its always about not grabbing hold of it cause you could cut yourself. Its about attention and awareness. And potentially alarm.
The opposite of peace. Pay attention. Be alert. The World needs more lerts.
from the Spirits of Nature and Place: Ehwaz or the horse. Upside Down. The transportation or the living empowerment that gets you someplace. And upside down means look out for that.
That element of what is it that we count on to get us through.
from the Gods & Goddesses: Perth or Perthro the Lottery Cup, Chance and Luck.
for this Season:Raido not reversed. The Communications or the Circuit. And the ability for it
and the message
to get out.





 I have barely begun to come back into my body, now almost a month later. 
Imbolc will be here soon and we will know that we have survived. 
The new snow silences all.
Days are noticeably longer. 
Sleep when you can, be gentle and alive.
We move on. 


Monday, December 2, 2019

Samhain- Endings and Beginnings

 First snows blanket the land.
Grateful to have a home.
Little birds hop around the feeder and the male cardinal shines bright against the white.
Grateful to share our home.

Life is different now
drifting in an endless not enough
of time or balance
or focus or tears. 
Good to have snow to make everything stop. 
Good to allow flexibility.
Good to just be. 

The days go by lost to non-time.
I don't know when was then. 
I am glad for the starkness of the landscape
and dream of Spring.

Even the pictures do not bring memory of ritual back
(though I remember how powerful it was).
The past is lost and all we have is the now.
Important to be here and to be present
(though in my mind it is already Yule).

From my notes I can remember how fragile I was then. 
Our ritual was 3 weeks after my Dad's funeral. 
I had been home for a couple of days for the first time in a long time. 
We showed and sold work at an arts fundraiser
for Clearwater Education the day before.
Getting out was normal.
Cleaning the house was normal.
But nothing was normal.
At that point one day at a time was a lot.
Now with all the leaves gone and the well frozen,
I can see whole weeks, whole seasons, whole lives.

Mourning our Honored Dead
is a right and a responsibility and a blessing.
Acknowledging endings and letting go is so natural
and yet so hard. 
Grateful for lessons from Nature.

 My notes and pics from then:

5 women in the kitchen
with food and drink
each a special sister
strong hugs
love is all there is

crows and windchimes

 tuning forks
cold air
ginko leaf fairies

 flower petals and acorns and mint crumbled for tinder
 arrow pointed stick and leap of fire
sacrificial fir branch
fire leaps at Bryan
following him
reaching for him

our omens
from our Honored Dead: Os or Ansuz- the Voice, the Wind
from the Spirits of Nature and Place: Tir or Tirwaz- the Spiritual Warrior, direction Up
from the Gods & Godesses: (two runes pulled at once) Raido reversed and Isa-
Communication challenges, miscommunications, weird electronic communications and Ice,
that which is frozen and hard and slippery and clear and solid
for the Season: Hagalaz -Hail, Disruption

listen, focus, look for clarity, watch for danger, 
forewarned is forearmed.

 the coldness of the bright light
the surprising chill of the sun
the shortness of the day